when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
