Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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