are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
