I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
