get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
