Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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