I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
