3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
