i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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