hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
