Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
