I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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