I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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