does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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