he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
