escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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