I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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