I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
