The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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