He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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