Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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