I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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