Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
