Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
