this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
