And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
