i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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