I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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