i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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