so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
