brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
