I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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