when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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