just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My cat gives me a boner
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Randomize
