i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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