so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
