I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
