Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He shit in the fireplace
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
