Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
