I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
