I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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