Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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