ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
