Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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