Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
