is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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