Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish I could punch you in the face.
he thought i was a dude.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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