I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
