We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
