I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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