Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My Higher Power is John Stamos
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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