oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
