Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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