They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
